Answers

I must direct you to the comments on my last two post because the are exceptional. Here's what I got out of them (a little of my own stuff and maybe some C.S. Lewis thrown in too):

Have you ever noticed that, often, questions of "how?" can be answered by asking "why?"? It's very true with the question "How can I stay engaged in the present while looking forward to the future?" If I asked "Why should I stay engaged in the present?" the answer would be "Because Christ is there. The present is where Eternity meets time. (that's the C.S. Lewis)" So I can answer my original question by looking for Christ in every situation, asking Him to reveal Himself to me, asking His mother to help me see Him, being led by friends/witnesses who show Him to me. I think asking "why?" gets to the core issues - isn't "why?" what we're really asking with our whole lives? Any other question focuses on what we do - "why?" focuses on who we are.

Sigh. I'm trying not to live the next few months as an endless countdown. I know I need to live in the present. I know I need to keep engaging my life now, not starting August 15. It's really hard sometimes though, especially when the "now" is unpleasant. Any advice? Sometimes I don't even know where to start.

synthesis

I've realized that until now I mistakenly regarded Faith, Hope and Trust as steps, or phases of a process.  Now I think of the transition/transformation as more of a deepening understanding.  How could I move beyond Faith?  Silly!  This relationship is not only the source of my life, it's what sustains it.  Plants grow up out of soil, but they remain rooted in it.  They are continually  nourished by it.  And their ability to grow up is dependent on how deeply they are rooted.  If faith were merely an agreement with a fact, it would be static, shallow and abstract.  Faith is an organic relationship, the ability to know God - life Himself.  When we know God and understand that our Source is good, we have certainty about the goodness of our future - this is called Hope.  How am I doing?

A quick update

My trip to the convent was wonderful - literally full of wonder. Wonder at God's love for us and this beautiful grace He's given me in my vocation. As long as all goes according to plan I'll enter religious life on the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary (Aug. 15). That's only five months away! I've always been a little annoyed by girls who get engaged and then go around squealing and gushing and hugging everybody. Now I get it. I hold it in pretty well, but there's definitely a part of me who wants to run up to everyone I've ever met and squeal "I'm going to be a nun!" and then hug them and jump up and down.

The details of my visit aren't too interesting because most of the important stuff happened in my heart and I have a hard time putting those things into words. You know how Mary "pondered these things in her heart"? That's what I'm doing. There are a few highlights I can mention though:
-I got to meet a few of the other Sisters. Until this visit I'd only met the Mother Superior and the two Portresses. This time I got to spend some time with the Mother Vicoress and a few of the other nuns. It was nice to get to know them and very encouraging to see how truly happy they are. It really is possible to live this way!
-Mother Clare asked if I thought I could learn to play the organ... in five months... unless Saint Cecilia wants to pray up a miracle for me I don't think it's going to happen, but I'm still committed to learning as much as I can in the time I have.
-I had the first part of my psychological testing evaluated, and I'm not crazy!

I haven't been posting since I got back because I've just been too busy. That's probably not going to change anytime soon so I won't be blogging much until after Easter. Speaking of Easter, please remember to pray for our soon to be brothers and sister who are preparing to receive the Easter sacraments! God bless you in this holy season of Lent.